Targets the trench.
Angstipan works on serotonin-adjacent receptors believed to be involved in chart-checking compulsion and rugging flashbacks.
Angstipan® (angstipan paxaloftide velantrium) 100 mg · once-daily tablets
You survived the trenches.
Now heal.
Angstipan is a once-daily treatment for Post-Trench Stress Disorder. Take TTWO and call me in the morning.
$ANGS · as seen in Grand Theft Auto VI
Angstipan is not a real medication. Post-Trench Stress Disorder is not a real diagnosis. $ANGS is a community meme token. Not affiliated with Take-Two Interactive, Rockstar Games or Grand Theft Auto. Not financial or medical advice.
The condition
Do you suffer from Post‑Trench Stress Disorder?
You’re not alone. And there’s finally something you can do.
Millions of adults are living in the trenches, and many don’t know their symptoms have a name. Post-Trench Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a real-sounding condition caused by prolonged exposure to charts, apes, and rugs. Take a moment. You may be affected.
Self-assessment Check all that apply.
Your result will appear here. This assessment is not a diagnosis, because none of this is real.
What is Angstipan?
A once-daily step back toward the field.
Angstipan® is the first once-daily treatment in its class designed to help adults recover from the trenches and reconnect with the moments that matter. Whether it’s a walk through the fields, a morning on the porch, or simply the feeling of sunlight, Angstipan helps you get back to being you, not the version of you that lived in the charts.
Talk to your whale about whether Angstipan is right for your portfolio.
- FDA-adjacent
- Clinically-ish studied
- Trusted by survivors of the trenches
Mechanism of action
How Angstipan works
Once-daily calm.
A single 100 mg dose provides up to 24 hours of measured serenity, even during a dump.
Steady release.
Feel less, gradually, so you can ape more, steadily.
Clinically-ish studied.
In a study of survivors we asked, most reported finally “touching grass.”
Mechanism of action is not fully understood, much like the token.
Patient journey
The trench. The field.
Same person. Drag to see the difference.
Dramatization. The patient depicted is not real and has never been outdoors.
Angstipan® · 30 sec spot
Drop the film atassets/video/angs-commercial-v2.webm
Angstipan® · 30 sec spot · Keep scrolling to continue
Patient stories
Real survivors. Real fields.
★★★★★
“I was in the trenches for eighteen months. Angstipan gave me back the fields.”
★★★★★
“I haven’t checked the chart in almost forty minutes.”
★★★★★
“The phantom buzzing stopped. I can hear birds now.”
★★★★★
“My whale didn’t prescribe it. I found a guy in the support group.”
Testimonials are dramatizations. Patients depicted are not real and are, in fact, the same person.
Dosing & Administration
Prescribing information
Recommended dose: Take TTWO. Then call me in the morning.
| Active ingredient | $ANGS (total supply: 1,000,000,000 mg) |
|---|---|
| Recommended starting dose | As much as you can comfortably tolerate |
| Liquidity | Locked / burned (do not exceed the locked dose) |
| Taxes | 0% buy / 0% sell |
| Contract | [PASTE CONTRACT ADDRESS] |
| Missed dose | If you miss the entry, do not double up at the top |
Follow your prescribed dose. Never financial advice. This is medical advice, which is worse.
Getting started
Fill your prescription
- 1
Get covered.
Download a wallet (Phantom / MetaMask, matched to your chain).
- 2
Visit the pharmacy.
Open the DEX and connect your wallet.
- 3
Fill your prescription.
Paste the contract address and swap for $ANGS.
- 4
Begin treatment.
Hold. Breathe. Return to the field.
Coverage may vary. Side effects include gains and/or losses.
Patient support program
You made it out. You don’t have to stay out alone.
The Angstipan Patient Support Program connects you with thousands of fellow survivors, available 24/7. Your recovery cohort is waiting.
24/7 survivor hotline. Not a hotline. Not staffed. Not real.
Important Safety Information
Do not take Angstipan if you are currently up, or if you are allergic to Angstipan or to feeling okay. Before starting Angstipan, tell your whale about all your conditions, including if you are on other tokens, if you have ever held through a 90% drawdown, or if you plan to become financially responsible. Consult your chart before combining with $ANGS.
Angstipan may cause serious side effects, including: sudden urges to check the chart, prolonged serenity, mild-to-moderate diamond hands, telling strangers about the field, dry eyes from staring at candles, feelings of community, touching grass, and in rare cases, sunlight.
The most common side effects of Angstipan include: calm, more calm, an unshakeable belief that everything is fine, decreased cortisol, increased conviction, and a soft ringing that sounds like the word “hold.”
Do not operate heavy machinery, your ex’s contact list, or a leverage position while taking Angstipan. Stop taking Angstipan and contact your support group if you experience FOMO lasting more than four hours, or rugging flashbacks that interfere with daily life.
Please see full prescribing information, which is also a meme. Angstipan is not a real medication. It’s a meme. You cannot swallow it.